"Normies" just don't get it
Hello to anyone that might be reading this! I have no particular topic in mind for this post, but I have been feeling the need to write for quite some time now. So I am sitting down and am going to see what comes out. I have not written anything since my 2 year soberversary about 6 months ago, but I feel that quite a lot has happened! My wonderful boyfriend became my incredible fiancé. He completely surprised me on my birthday and asked me to spend the rest of our lives together. It has been the most exciting thing to happen to both of us. We are getting to plan our wedding and that has been such a blast. It is a little bit weird when you are wedding planning and you are sober, because I feel like everything that has to do with a wedding and being a bride has to do with popping champagne, or having a mimosa while checking things off your to-do list. When I said yes to my dress, the bridal consultant offered my sisters, mom and I some champagne. We politely declined and you could tell she does not ever get that response. She said "Oh okay! We have some sparkling cider too let me go grab that!" And when she came back she regretfully informed us that they were all out at the moment and we would not be able to have any. However, I was still asked to write my name on a champagne cork to add to their collection, even though I didn't pop open a bottle...I semi-happily went along with it. Also when my fiancé and I picked our venue, they offered us champagne or wine multiple times. We smiled and said water would be fine. The tour guide also stressed that on our wedding day there will be bartenders available in the bridal/groom suites to meet our every desire as we are getting ready for the ceremony. Is it just me or is this a bit excessive?? Even if I DID drink, I would not want to be slamming down the mimosas right before I got married. I would be wobbly and sweaty saying my vows, and my mind would not be clear. It is baffling to me how weddings for normal drinkers are so centered around booze starting from the morning while you're getting ready, and then continued all the way through the night. How do they even remember the best parts? I understand that a wedding is a huge party and celebration where people come together that just want to have a good time celebrating the new marriage of people they love. But must alcohol be encouraged so much to the bridal party and guests starting from the minute they set foot on the property? I don't know about most people, but I want to remember every minute of my wedding day. I also do not want to do or say anything that I might regret. There is absolutely no way to make sure that this happens except for not drinking a single drop of alcohol.
My fiancé is a normie, but I don't think he is like most normies. He completely understands and respects my sobriety, and has adapted a basically completely sober lifestyle ever since we have gotten serious. He doesn't care for alcohol anymore, mostly for the way it makes him feel, and also since I don't partake he doesn't see much of a point. I am so grateful that he has come to view alcohol in this way because it saves us from any sort of arguments about him choosing to drink around me or not. He will definitely occasionally have a beer with the guys or something like that. But he never wants more than one and he also hardly even finishes it. I find it endearing that he doesn't feel too good after having half of a beer and chooses to stop there. I will NEVER be able to relate to that. I guess that is why I am an alcoholic and he is not haha. He travels a lot for work and has to eat out with coworkers quite a bit. They order alcohol because well, isn't that just what people do when they have had a long work day? I could not count on my two hands the number of times he has told me that they try to get him to have a drink with them. He continually says no. They always ask why. He has told some of them that he doesn't drink much, others that I am sober and he likes to be sober with me. But that still does not always satisfy. They will still sometimes buy him a drink!!! And try to get him to have it. I simply cannot wrap my head around this. If someone says no, they aren't drinking, or they don't drink, then that means NO. I do not understand how someone can take this as thinking they would still have a drink as if they didn't mean the "no" the first time. We were in Boise this past weekend and at a football game tailgate, a friend of his parent's offered us some wine. We said no thank you. He said "Oh come on, it is some realllly good wine." We said, "Oh no, it's fine we don't want any." He literally went over and poured a glass, handed it to my fiancé and said please try this. Since he is not technically sober the way I am, he felt pressured enough to take a sip and try the wine. Luckily the man did not try to force it down my throat in the same way, but if he had then I would have had to make him feel uncomfortable when I said "No thank you, I'm actually an alcoholic and so that's why I already said no the first two times that you offered it to me, but thanks for trying one more time." I was shocked that this happened. I was angry and could not believe that the word "No" doesn't mean "no" the way that it should. It made me realize that some people just really cannot accept the fact that others turn down a drink around them. They also don't understand that when someone says no, it might be for a very serious reason, like being in recovery, or being on probation and having to drug test randomly every week. I wanted so badly to put him in his place, but we slipped out of the tailgate and carried on with our day. These things have been sticking with me. I am annoyed at normies. Why can't they just get it and not ask questions or need a better answer for the reason someone is not drinking. We should only have to say "no thank you" and that be the end of the conversation. If someone wants to ask why I will gladly say that I have been sober for 2 and a half years because I have a problem with alcohol. I think at our wedding we want to have a La Croix bar option also because we have grown to be completely obsessed with all forms of sparkling water. I know there will be the vast majority of people getting overly drunk, but that is their choice and all that I care about is that me and my almost husband will not be one of them!
I don't know if I am ever going to not get annoyed at the subtle things normies say when we turn down a drink. But all I can do is keep living my truth and standing up for my sobriety. It is not always easy, but it is so important. I am still so proud of the person I am becoming, and I do not need to let these people make me feel inferior in any way. I know some of them only act that way because they are insecure with their own alcohol consumption. These are the people I need to stand up to the most, because maybe they will see something in me that they want for themselves but just aren't sure how to get. I want to lead by example and show people that there is a beautiful, boozeless life out there for them. This might be all I have to say for now. I do feel better after getting some of that off my chest. I guess I need to do this more often! Sister number 1 and I are still going strong and leaning on each other throughout these frustrating situations that arise. A sober life is the greatest gift I could have ever given myself. I wouldn't change it for the world.