Today marks 6 months from the day that I woke up and started my sober clock running. This means that 6 months from yesterday was when I took my last drink. It was Easter Sunday and I was up in Sonoma, California (famous for its beauty, wine, vineyards, wine, and food that goes along great with all the wine). Basically, I didn't stand a chance. Well, my six months sober self now would do just fine. But my weak and one month sober self at that point was not ready to give it up. I had been sober for a month and was really proud of myself, but I knew I was heading into a trip to Oregon and Northern California where alcohol would be prevalent, and I wanted to partake in the fun. I actually went into the trip thinking I would probably end up drinking but then that would be my last HOORAH. How sad is that? I basically planned my last drinking weekend. Instead of saying, "I know I'm not going to continue drinking after this weekend so what would be the point of drinking now?" I said, "I know I'm not going to drink after, but I want to have fun and this is the right place to do it so I'm going to do it." So I sat on Easter Sunday, drinking my mimosa... knowing it could/needed to be my last, and I remember actually feeling bitter about it. I was bitter that it wasn't going to be the last mimosa for those I was sharing the meal with. They would be able to have mimosas everyday for the rest of their lives if they wanted, but not me. I was bitter that I somehow turned into the person that needed to stop drinking, for the sake of everyone around me and for myself. I wanted so badly to be a normal drinker, holding my glass of orange juice and champagne, toasting to this beautiful world we live in. What I hadn't realized was that I did not even have a proper grasp on what that beautiful world could even feel like because the past few years had been such a fog of blackouts and hangovers and laziness.
Today I can truthfully say that I see so much more beauty in life and people and this world. I am no longer clouded by the feelings of shame and regret that came with my drinking. I am by no means saying that my life is now suddenly perfect and all my problems are gone (because they are not), but I have omitted the thing that was causing the most chaos in my life so that now I am able to tackle everything else with more calmness and clarity. It is an amazing feeling! I feel strong and like I can finally start imagining the life I am meant to be living. I am so grateful for the amazing support that I get from my family and amazing friends, especially you sissy #1!! Six months feels like a huge accomplishment and I can't even imagine how I will feel at one year! This is my life now and I am loving being sober for every minute of it. There is so much I want to learn and see and accomplish and I am ecstatic to no longer be wasting so much time away. Sissy #1, you are only a few days behind me! Thank you for the beautiful card you gave me this morning with such sweet words. I can't wait to celebrate with Ben and Jerry's and Netflix with you :) We are really doing this!! Bring it on 1 year!