I love new beginnings and fresh starts. Hope and optimism always seem to be involved in a new beginning. Lately I've been thinking a lot about fresh starts vs. being a runner. A lot of times, I run away when things get hard. Instead of facing a problem, I'd much rather avoid it. Us alcoholics are good at that right? We'd rather drink and avoid rather than face our fears or our pain. I've noticed this has sadly been a big pattern in my life. I run from jobs, relationships, living situations-- anything that I'm not fully satisfied with. For some reason, over the past few years, my tolerance for living through pain and work through it became very small. I seemed to have no patience for pain. This time around, as my sober self, I want to do things differently. I've been trying to realize why I run. I think that instead of working on myself and my issues, I try to fix everything else around me. Have I ever thought that maybe the problem has been me? What a concept haha. I want these next few months to be a time for self reflection and self discovery. Sometimes I can get lost in other people. Sometimes I can forget who I am and who I want to be. I want to learn how to respect and love myself. Far too often, I'm my own worst critic. I think a lot of us can be way too hard on ourselves for the things we've done, or the ugly parts of ourselves. But the awesome thing is, God makes all things beautiful. He can turn the darkest parts of us into something amazing. If we let him. If I kept drinking, I would be stuck. I would make no progress in life mentally, spiritually, emotionally, or physically. Working on yourself isn't easy. It's not always pleasant. I'm lazy and would just rather not. BUT, it will be worth it!!!!!!!!!!!! And now alcohol won't blur life and make me feel stuck. I can't wait to keep working on being the person I was always meant to be. And on a side note...I used to spend SO much money on alcohol. Things are a little tight financially right now....and now sister #2 and I don't have to throw all that money away. Woo hoo! The coolest part about this week is that sister #2 is my roomie now. I'm so thankful. Onward new beginnings!!!