I am a day late but, Happy 4th of July!! I hope everyone had a safe and amazing day celebrating our country and our freedom! I know I was also celebrating my freedom from alcohol!! This 4th of July was very different for me. Last year at this time I was in Italy on a two month long Europe trip, where I was coaching summer volleyball and traveling in between working. They obviously do not celebrate this holiday over there, but I was with two other American girls and we definitely made sure to consume a little more than the normal bottle of wine (each) that we were drinking every night after dinner time. Because well, it was an American holiday! And we deserved it. Duh... The year before that my three sisters and brother in law were meeting up in Long Beach to celebrate all together. I told them I could make it for a little bit but I would have to leave early because I already had plans with friends (plans to stay in a hotel room and get drunk and not even see any fireworks) Sorry sister #1, I'm sure you assumed this is what I was doing but I don't think we have ever talked about it. I made it in time for a quick meal and then jetted back out to Newport Beach to carry on with my partying. Basically, what I am saying is that yesterday was my first sober family-filled 4th of July that I have had in a few years. It was so great. We played games and ate, and laughed so so much, and ate some more. Wow, it felt really good. These are the days I have been missing out on for years because of my boozy selfishness. I am so happy to feel involved again and present in the moment, making sober and healthy memories!
This doesn't mean that it is all of the sudden magically easy for me to get through these holidays without drinking. #1 and I' family make it very easy for us not to drink because they do not ever have it around, they never talk about it, and it basically does not exist in their world. I had some invites to do a few other things over the weekend that I had to turn down. One of my best friends invited me to Las Vegas with her family to see Britney Spears (and obviously go out and drink because what else do drinkers do when they are in Vegas). I said I couldn't go because I had family coming into town and also am running low on money. She knows I am sober now so I am not sure if she invited me thinking I would still want to go and just not drink or what, but that sounded like just about the last place I would ever want to be right now. A different friend invited me to a 3rd of July pool party and I knew drinking would be one of the main attractions of the day. I just so happened to be working a night shift that night so I said I couldn't go because of work, but even if I hadn't worked I would not have gone. I don't think it is introverted me talking when I turn down these invitations, I think it is sober me saying, "you aren't ready to be in that situation. You will not have fun. Stay home with your sober family and enjoy each other's company instead. It is much more worth it in the end." And I am so happy I have been listening to that voice in my head. I know my friends might start to think I have become boring or that they never get to see me anymore. But they will have to learn to deal with that, because I am sober now and I am doing what I need to do to take care of myself. This does not mean I will never go to social events anymore where alcohol is a main attraction. I have even tried it since being sober. I just don't enjoy it and I do not think it is the best thing for me at the moment. I usually end up feeling self conscious and wishing I had not gone. So that is what I am choosing to do for the time being. I am much happier when I am not watching friends pour shots down their throats or taking pictures with each other where they all have to have their drink in hand for all to see. (Because a picture isn't cute if you are holding a glass of water, but if it is a beer or glass of wine you are an adorable fun girl, right?) I am guilty of buying into that lie for so long. Now when I look back at pictures of myself holding a beer or other drink in hand, I do not see a fun and cute girl. I see vague memories of the parts of that night I remember, all of which are never as fun and glamorous as the pictures make it seem. And then I also have memories of hearing about the other parts of the night the next day. The parts of the night that I was passed out for, or that I was yelling at people for no apparent reason when in a blackout state. Bleh. I hate those memories, but it is good to have them so that I am reminded of why I can NEVER go back to drinking.
Anyways...on a lighter note, two more days until I move in with #1!! I am so excited it is finally happening! It will feel like a whole new chapter to life, which is exactly what we need :) I can't wait to be your roommate sissy!! What a beautiful fresh start for us!