"How do you feel now without drinking?"
Well, well. I am pleasantly surprised that #1 has so excitedly jumped on board this blog idea! I was so thrilled to read her first post and see the honesty and vulnerability she expressed. I think this blog will be great for the both of us, even if we are the only two people who ever see it.
Today I was in the car with my mom, (on the way to get my restricted driver's license from the DMV. WOOT WOOT!) and she asked me the question, "how do you feel now without drinking?" For a little bit of background context, me and #1's upbringing was very conservative and our parents have never given in to the drink. They have simply made the decision that nothing good comes from drinking alcohol and they did not want it to be a part of our family. Now that I have experienced some of the ways alcohol can ruin lives and relationships, I wish I had followed their example and stayed away from it all together. I know that every person has to have their own journey and experiences, and so I have chosen to see these past few years as the molding of myself into a stronger version of me that could only have come to exist after going through what I have. Sometimes you have to go through complete and utter darkness so that when you finally see light you recognize how beautiful of a thing it is and you never want to lose it.
My answer to my mom's question was that I feel absolutely fantastic without drinking alcohol; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. She asked if I ever got hangovers and what I felt like, because she has never had a hangover before and cannot relate. I responded that I never had the debilitating nausea or headache that accompany a lot of people's hangovers, but I did have a lack of energy and motivation that would cause me to be incredibly unproductive the day after drinking heavily (which happened to be more days out of the week than not). When I was in the fog of a life of alcohol and denial, I never wanted to admit that I felt lazy and only wanted to lay around all day because I had drank too much the night before. So instead, I would allow myself to get by doing as little as possible in school, napping as much as I could in the day, and drinking most nights after taking care of whatever responsibilities I had with the least amount of effort. Now that I have removed myself from that way of life, I see so clearly how poisoning it really was to my school life, work life, and family life. I have the greatest family in the world. I have been so extremely blessed by their love and support through my rebellious stage, angry stage, depressed stage, and flat out selfish stage. I am finally coming back to a place where I want to spend time with my family instead of any other friends. My friends aren't bad, but a lot of them still have alcohol as a very pertinent part of their lives and I need to distance myself from that. I constantly want to have the refreshed feeling that I get from being with family and talking about things that actually matter and encourage me. During this conversation with my mom today, she said that she feels closer to me now than she ever has in my life. That really made me feel so happy to be on the path I am on now, where I am putting effort into things that will feed my soul and only make me better. Conversations like these also remind me of why I am doing what I am doing! I feel like I am finding myself and what I want my life to be about. Sober is now one of the words that I will use to describe myself and I love that. We got this #1. I love you!