I have been thinking of starting a blog for some time now, and something in me today decided to just go for it! I am sister number two of the "sober sissies" as we refer to ourselves. I might be the sister that will write more often, considering that it was my idea and all. But maybe sister #1 will surprise me by adding her two cents every now and then :).
As we continue to write, our journey and history with our old friend alcohol will reveal more of itself. For now, I will just talk a little bit about how I'm doing now, on my 86th day of sobriety! I am feeling encouraged and excited to be reaching 90 days. Something about saying "90 days" sounds so accomplished and I guess that is because it is a huge accomplishment. On all the sober blogs I have been reading, making it through the first 100 days seems to be the task they challenge all new people attempting recovery with. These 100 days are a major adjustment because you have to actively remove yourself from all the old triggers in your life. I have managed to learn how to feel comfortable saying I do not want to attend a party or an event because I am not yet at a place where I can be around alcohol without having thoughts like "one glass of wine with this group of people would be fine, right?" Or, "is everyone moderating their drinking more tonight because I am here and they feel uncomfortable?" Or, "am I not as fun as I normally have been with this group of people now that I'm not drinking?" Since I am not in the mood to deal with any of these thoughts in my head, I figure that it is best to simply not put myself in those situations at all. There are however, some occasions that I simply cannot avoid. Like a dear friend's birthday dinner at a Mexican restaurant where everyone orders a margarita bigger than the size of their head. "Oh no, I'm fine! I have my water and endless chips and salsa to keep me goin'." In reality, those were my actual thoughts, which is comforting. I have found that now when I am around people who are drinking when I am not, everything they start to talk about just seems so unimportant. And I also think about how if I were to have been drinking with them I would most likely be the one starting a lot of these pointless conversations and yammering on and on about nothingness. Being an outside observer is very interesting and it almost always reminds me of why I am doing this. I would not have been able to have just the one margarita at dinner then call it a night. I would have either ordered another at dinner, or if I felt too self conscious I would have waited til I got home and drank some wine as I was going to bed. Then the next day I would wonder why I felt so compelled to do that when my roommates were able to go to bed without anything more. Oh the countless times I have felt that way. And those are all part of the feelings I am so happy to be rid of. I can do this! KEEP GOING!